I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
