Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
