On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
