I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
