Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
