Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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