I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
