I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
