My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
