JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
