and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
