So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
