he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
