So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
