Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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