You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
