my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
