Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
