I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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