Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
