I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
