Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
