i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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