Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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