so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
