It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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