Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
