I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
even my farts smell like vagina
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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