can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
