We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
