Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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