after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have aggressive nipples.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
