I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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