I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
