Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
this is an emotional support booty call
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
