How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have aggressive nipples.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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