my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry Iām late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
