What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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