I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
