Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
