Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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