The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So much Jack, so little girl.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
