well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
