My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
