True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
