My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
