I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
