I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
