Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
