someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
