i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
