She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
